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Donald Trump should buy this house in the Hamptons

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C’mon, Mr. Trump

Needs more gilt

An email to Curbed read, “Why doesn’t Donald Trump have a home in the Hamptons? My theory is that Trump doesn't have a home in the Hamptons because he'll be a small fish in the pond out here. He prefers to have homes where he can be the Biggest the Bestest and the Mostest. Does this hold up?”

Needs more gilt
Very presidential, with more gilt

Quite possibly: his three-story Trump Tower penthouse and Mar-a-Lago certainly apply. But Trump also owns a 230-acre estate in Bedford, NY; the former Kluge estate in Charlottesville, Virginia; and a house on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. The Bedford house is reportedly where he relaxes on weekends, when other people go to the Hamptons. And maybe Mr. Trump just doesn’t like the Hamptons: who knows?

A little too plain and gilt-less
C’mon, Melania, you know you’d like it with more gold

But being the obliging sort, we thought we’d find the Trump family a house in the Hamptons. In the end, only one home could fit the Trump lifestyle: of course it’s the Sandcastle, which is owned by Joe and Kristen Farrell. But it’s often for rent and/or sale; last asking price was around $43M. We’re sure Farrell and Trump could come to some kind of deal.

FIVE CHANNELS OF TRUMP TV
Get someone to spray BARRON over the Farrell kids’ names
Now THIS is the way the president should relax

While the Sandcastle does have all kinds of fab amenities—there's a movie theater, bowling alley, walk-in refrigerator, wine room, rock climbing wall, home theater, heated swimming pool, guest quarters, basketball court, skateboard rails, tennis court, private gym and spa—it lacks one thing: ENOUGH GILT.

So you’re welcome for the idea, Mr. President-elect, and don’t forget to invite us to your housewarming.