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Buy This Noyack House and Your Children Will Finally Love You

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There is some quality brokerbabble going on with this listing, which is for a 2200sf Noyack house, maybe a teardown given the lack of interior pictures. Sit back, relax, and enjoy.

As you drive down the majestic tree-lined street to this magical place in a private beach-front community of multi-million dollar homes you are reminded immediately where you have arrived by the sound of the wind through the trees and the water hitting the shores that are just around the bend from the place you're now calling home. Go on!

You then breathe the fresh scent of the gardens and the ocean air. You enter your three bedroom home with a legal, rentable apartment with bathroom and second kitchen. After swimming, boating, kayaking or stand-up paddle boarding at one of two of the private beaches not more than 300 feet from your home, you can tinker in your 2.5 car garage or do yoga in the studio above the garage. You're tired of yoga. What next?

After that why not go to the Morton wildlife preserve (open to the public) W00T!

or the Noyac Golf Course (if you're a member)

DAMMIT

which are both less than one minute away by automobile down the street. You are most comfortable having made this investment knowing that the house across the street is worth $5 million dollars and the house to your left is worth close to $3 million dollars. Your children, should you have any, love you more than ever because you've made their dreams come true. All you have to do was spend $1.2M buying a house and your kids will love you. What a deal.

Kidding aside, we have to admit we're sucked in. The agent, Mosel Katzter, does paint a nice picture of a fun lifestyle, even if the house needs work. Well played, sir.
· 17 Bittersweet Lane [Elliman]