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2014 Hamptons Listings We Won't Soon Forget

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It's time to make up a bunch of awards and hand them out to the most deserving people, places and things in the worlds of Hamptons real estate, architecture, and dining. That's right, it's time for the Fourth Annual Curbed Awards! Today's topic: 2014 listings that stood out from the rest.

80s in Amagansett
From the atrium with all the charm of a medical office building, to the open toilet seat, to the agent snapping photos in the mirror, it's hard to top this $15M listing for pure WTF.

The atrociousness is strong in this one. And the price is as ridiculous as the house! Commenters were scathing: "I don't really know how to say this but this is by far one of the ugliest house I've seen. I need some bleach to clean my eyes. I can't un-see what I've seen" and "Bing! Another Broker in the mirror shot! Really though, this place is hideous. Maybe Farrell will come and scoop it up for the land, I can't possibly imagine anyone wanting to live in this." Still on the market? Yes; price has been cut to $11M.

Dotty in Water Mill
Back in October, we visited this $15M house decorated like a Swatch watch.
Yes, apparently this Water Mill house was designed and decorated with someone actually choosing for it to look this way. Even the front elevation of this house appears to be giving the finger to good taste. So what do you get for your 15 mil? A "unique" (we can only hope) "Estate in the exclusive gated community of Fordune." There are 2.5 acres of land with a 12,000sf house with ten bedrooms and 11.5 bathrooms. May we suggest some Nagel prints to the lucky next owner? Still on the market? Yup

Floral in Southampton
Ah, yes, the $895K house where more is more.
What dark secrets lurk behind this house's pleasant, unassuming exterior? Somehow, someone, possibly an escapee from a mental institution, committed unspeakable acts of wallpaper horror within. Not only the walls, but indeed the very ceilings are papered, closing in on you, yes, getting closer all the time… Not content, the interior desecrator added furniture upholstered in a contrasting floral. Then he or she slapped up a few Inuit plaques on the wall because why not and add a coffee table that looks like it's going to get up and run away soon, and then it was time to wallpaper the next room. Still on the market? Yes

Unnerving in North Sea
While we liked the house, the artwork needed to go.
Comment: "Ugly. Belongs in the deserts of Vegas or Phoenix. Can't imagine why anyone would build something so clearly out of its element. The smattering of tiny windows achieves nothing. The taupe interior is nauseating. The price is absolutely absurd." Still on the market? Yes; price has been cut $200K.