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The Gold Digger's Guide to Hamptons Social Climbing

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Glitz and glamour rule the Hamptons. Snooze, what else is new? This year, the time-honored tradition of age inappropriate young females going after moneyed billionaires is once again in full swing. This summer's scandals are of epic proportions, and for those of you aspiring to be a fulltime hanger-on (please don't go there, we beg of you!), here are a few guidelines that you should know.

1. Don't be afraid to make a sex tape.
Self-dubbed Stewie Rah Rah, "King of All Fun" (his real name is Stewart Rahr), is that ultra classy pharmaceutical billionaire who, according to the New York Post, is banned for life from Nobu. Well, his exploits certainly don't stop at throwing childlike fits at high-end Asian eateries when denied a table. We reported that earlier in the summer, Rah Rah celebrated his divorce by releasing a sex tape of himself and three young women.

2. You can always upgrade!
Even after you've sealed the deal, yes, we mean walking down the aisle, it's still possible to upgrade. Take a page from Lauren Silverman's book. According to Daily Mail, this Hamptons socialite overcame "humble origins" to land property developer Andrew Silverman. Apparently, his parents were so disappointed with the union that they declined to attend the wedding. Never one to give a fig about public perception, Lauren has sought comfort in the arms of The X Factor judge Simon Cowell. Now pregnant with Cowell's kid, no matter who she ends up with, a prenup with Andrew and child support payments from Simon will line her bank account for years to come.

3. Show some skin.
One common factor between all of these women is that they aren't afraid to show off their best assets. The amount of exposed cleavage in pretty much every photo we researched is stupefying. Looking slutty in front of uber rich men never gets old, so ladies, stick to the basics.

4. The Snooki factor.
Yes, yes, we admit that we've bagged on the Jersey Shore cast pretty hard this summer. But, c'mon, they were asking for it. We did, however, notice a shared trait between Snooki and the gold digger Hamptons crowd: all of these women embrace fake tanning with a vengeance.

5. Remember, this is not for women only!
Gigolos, we apologize if so far we've ignored your desire to upgrade your station in life. Case in point, pop superstar Jennifer Lopez is currently flaunting her boy toy around the Hamptons. Just Jared spotted Jenny from the Block shopping with her twenty-five year-old flame Casper Smart. Apparently, he made quite the haul of haute couture. No reports of them swinging by jewelry shops for a ring just yet. All you money loving men, there is plenty of room for you on this gravy train!
Jamie Sharpe