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Relive the Reagan Years in this $2.975M East Hampton Abode

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There is so much that is so 80s about this house (yes, built 1981). The track lights, the brick trim inside—we can't decide whether it's real brick or fake brickface or even wallpaper. We do know that painting the kitchen and dining room a particularly unfortunate shade of terracotta to match is a bad idea. (And hey, don't move the mylar balloon. It makes the picture festive!) The master bedroom is just plain weird, with a backlit cast iron stove (why?), an odd little niche with knotted curtains, lights, and a sofa, and an askew picture light over a Vettriano print probably bought from the Signals catalog. The office/den area is where shit gets real, though. The lace curtains draped over some sparse looking shelves! The fake fireplace in the corner! The baker's rack with a Yankee candle in the center and some kind of award! The living area—what is that picture on the left? And sure, just drape some old throws over the sofas. Hell, you're only asking three million dollars for your house, you shouldn't be expected to make any effort.

The outside is nice, though. 2.1 acres with a pool and nice plantings. Now if you'll excuse us, we feel a musical interlude coming on.
· 257 Three Mile Harbor Road [Corcoran]