During Renters Week, we're talking about bad tenants, bad landlords, and bad roommates. Today, how to be the worst tenant you possibly can with stories gathered from landlord readers.
"We've been driving for 45 minutes and still haven't found Montauk Highway." Get lost on the way to your rental and call your landlady for help. After all, it's her fault you can't find her house. Bonus points if she can barely understand your cellphone over the car noise.
"How can I connect to the wireless?" Be a complete dunce when it comes to technology. Your landlord should magically know how to connect to the Internet from whatever device you're using. Get petulant when the TV doesn't work, because how were you supposed to know the cable box had to be switched on for the picture to show up? What, are you supposed to be Steve Jobs or something?
"A lightbulb is burned out. I need a refund." Complain about any little thing you possibly can! The water from the kitchen faucet isn't cold enough. It's raining. There aren't good waves for surfing. You're not going to feel better unless you get some monetary concession, so keep whining until you get it.
"Whoops!" Be careless with other people's property. Hey, you paid for the rental. Clearly you have a right to break as many dishes as you like!
"I was raised by wolves!" Whatever you do, don't keep the shower curtain inside the bathtub to avoid flooding out a bathroom. Now go put that hot saucepan directly on a wooden table.
"What do you mean, a two-week minimum?" A reader wrote to us, "A guest wanted to rent my house for one week. I told him we have a two week minimum, so he reserved it for two weeks. After one week, he came to us and said he had to leave because his wife had 'a medical emergency' and could he get a refund on the rest of the stay. He pleaded with me but I held firm."
"Sorry, I'm not leaving." Hey, you paid for a certain amount of time, and it won't hurt your landlady to let you stay longer. One reader wrote to us: "A woman who rented my beautiful waterfront cottage fell in love with my slice of paradise and wanted to extend her rental period, but I had other people lined up. When I returned to my house to get it ready for the next crew, it was filled with this lunatic's furniture and tchotchkes. My possessions were in the basement. Furious that she couldn't extend her stay, she then demanded money for her things. I told her to get her belongings out of my house or I'd give them away. She had her lawyer contact me about theft of her property. I gave her stuff to various neighbors who were very happy with the haul. After a lot of bitter back and forth, she finally faded away into the mists of renters from hell."
· All Renters Week 2013 posts [Curbed Hamptons]