POLICE—Inside a cell at East Hampton Town police headquarters, an 18-year-old was spending the night and got pretty bored. He started picking at some peeling wall paint to pass the time, which was presumably Martha Stewart Living® Paint in Bedford Gray, and then got caught: "A lieutenant assessed the damaged and decided to charge him with fourth-degree criminal mischief, a misdemeanor." Advice: While already in jail, always be on your best behavior. [Patch]
FIRE—Turns out a squirrel is to blame for an early morning blaze in East Hampton. The rascally critter allegedly gnawed through electrical wires in a garage on Fieldview Lane and the whole thing caught on fire, burning a hole straight through the roof. Need proof? "We found a burnt hair from the squirrel, on the actual wiring." But they didn't find the animal itself, so they think it may have gotten away. People: 0. Squirrel: 1. [Patch]
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