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Crime Of The Century

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Town police are on the lookout for a man accused of stealing women's unmentionables from an East Hampton residence. Their report notes that a neighbor of the burgled home briefly struggled with the suspect before he fled south on "Stephen Hands Path where he entered the tree line" with a shopping bag filled with his ill-gotten booty. Anyone with information can contact the police department's detective division at 631-537-6989 (They're working in shifts!). Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be getting our alibi in order. [Patch]