Resto-Blogger Bruce Buschel filed in list form today, revealing the top 50 of his Top 100 Things Restaurant Staffers Should Never Do. The curmudgeon factor is way up, as everything you've ever disliked about a dining experience is detailed in full. We feel for the waitstaff of this future Bridgehampton fishery, as Buschel's standards are high, maybe too high, for a new restauranteur. The best of the 50, after the jump.
7. Do not announce your name. No jokes, no flirting, no cuteness. 9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.
11. Do not hustle the lobsters. That is, Do not say, "We only have two lobsters left." Even if there are only two lobsters left.
21. Never serve anything that looks creepy or runny or wrong.
32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them, or dust them.
38.Do not call a guy a "dude."
39. Do not call a woman "lady."
41. Saying, "No problem" is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. "My pleasure" or "You're welcome" will do.